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Community Participation

Disability Aware & Business

Latest Buzz on Disability

Housing

Don't Treat Me Like a Child...or Ask Before You Reach

by JJ Hanley

When people without disabilities come in contact with people who have disabilities something strange often happens: they change the way they behave.  They might speak in a different tone or do things they would never do to a person without a disability.

"People assume they can touch me for no reason," says Andrea Harris a person with a disability. "They put their hands on my shoulders, or when they squat down to be at eye level -- which, by the way I appreciate -- they put their hand on my knee.  My sense is that they are trying to establish familiarity with me.  They want me to trust them.  But my answer is, 'I'd trust you a lot more if you'd stop touching me!'" 

(Newsletter continues here)  People without disabilities often cross other space boundaries like patting the head or taking hold of a person with a disability to maneuver her.  “My wheelchair is part of me," Harris says.  "You wouldn’t take a person by the shoulders and push him where you want him to go.  But people think it’s okay to push my wheelchair without my permission.  They are trying to be helpful, but I will ask for help when I need it.” 

It can be dangerous to take hold of a person with a disability without asking first.  “Sometimes, when I'm on stairs using my crutches a person will grab me by the arm,” Harris says.  “If you grab me by the arm you effectively immobilize me.  When I say, ‘I’m fine, leave me alone,’ they don’t listen and just go ahead and take my arm.  It’s really dangerous.”

So, a good rule of thumb is “ask before you reach.”  After all, you are interacting with adults.  Just as we say that people with disabilities are people first, adults with disabilities are adults first.  And they expect to be treated just like everybody else.  

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