In January, I had one of the most amazing experiences in recent memory! I spoke about my panic disorder to a fifth grade class at my old grade school, Joseph Sears School. I was asked to speak by the Center for Independent Futures, an organization that works to help young adults with disabilities like myself become more independent.
I had conflicting feelings about speaking at my grade school due to several bad memories stemming from my time in there. I was treated poorly by some of the teachers when I was a child. When I attended Sears, I don’t think the staff knew how to deal with my panic disorder because at that time educational materials regarding mental illness were not widely available. As a child I felt labeled by my disabilities, when I wanted nothing more than to be known as just Sarah. Despite my reservations, I made the decision to speak at Sears. I hoped my words could change how kids with disabilities are treated.
The night before the presentation there were many thoughts running through my mind. I was excited to share my story, but I feared seeing old teachers that would make me feel uncomfortable. I was also worried about if I would be able to connect with my audience.
The morning of my presentation I was thinking, I am who I am and if they don’t accept me that is on them. The presentation was in the multipurpose room where I had been many times before when I was a student at Sears School. Being in that room made me feel like the misunderstood little girl who was defined by her panic disorder. But, I built up my confidence by repeatedly reminding myself that I was there as both a professional and advocate.
As the fifth grade class filed into to the room, I realized I knew some of the kids from when I was a teacher’s assistant at a local preschool. I began feeling apprehensive about sharing my challenges. I was scared to open up to them because they knew me from the past. But I realized how powerful it would be for them to learn that a former teacher of theirs has struggles just like anyone else does. Just as my confidence was beginning to resurge, I noticed a friendly face in the crowd, my former special education teacher. My teacher had always taken the time to understand where I was coming from when I was her student. Seeing her helped me remember that for every person in my past that didn’t understand me, there was someone who believed in my potential.
As I read my speech to the children and teachers, I saw something from the audience that I didn’t expect: respect, understanding, compassion, empathy and a genuine interest in my story! When I finished I heard the audience’s applause. What truly impacted me the most was the little eyes looking back at me, each trying to connect with me on a deeper level. It was in that moment I knew my panic disorder isn’t what defines me. Instead, it is my courage, my strengths and my ability to connect with others that makes me Sarah and not “Sarah with a disability.”
4 Comments
Way to go, Sarah! It can be difficult to speak to a group about but it is empowering! I applaud you for being so strong and courageous. You are correct about being accepted for who you are-I encourage you to continue to share your story with others.
i loved what i read good job
I could just see your self confidence growing during this blog posting! Your ability to adjust to challenging situations and get stronger each step of the way. Wonderful job!
Great job Sarah! I enjoyed this post.